You matter, [ he says. ] You are everything.

[ in an unsent letter: 'perhaps I loved you from the moment on the balcony.' ]

It was too much without the promise of it being anything at all. I will not-- bind myself to him in that way without it binding him too. [ he drags his hand through his hair to bring it being his ear, too violent for such a simple movement. ]

That is what it would have been, with him there. I should have stopped it before that, but I did not. And I was raw, then, and all I wished to do was hold you, hold him, but as I was of no use to you, like you had no utility for any part of my but my prick, you left.

[ softer: ] Do not put me aside like one of your toys. You cannot.