( it's the same, she realises, abrupt. they had the exact same fucking problem from different angles and in spite of herself, she laughs, sudden and hard to precisely read the mood of.
of course. they've always, in some ways, shared more than they don't. the ways that tie them together. )
I can't do that, either, ( she says, more carefully. ) I can't...that felt so...
( her teeth press into her lip, and she says, ) It's the same. I don't want to just screw. And that's all it was, I just-
You weren't with me. At all. It's not about using your body, it's what's the fucking point if we don't feel together? I love you. I want him, but if it has to be like that, let's just not, all right? It made me feel...exactly like that. Exactly what you're talking about. And I understand what you mean, because that. I don't know how to make you understand that's how you made me feel, that it's -
It's not all right for me just because I'm fucking human. You can't treat me like that and then complain I didn't hold you nicely afterwards.
( a little more moderately, catching herself: ) I was trying to do the right thing. To not just bring that back to bed. I felt sordid and lonely. I didn't want to, I don't know, make those things something I felt with you. I didn't want to be held later and not be able to forget it making me feel unloved. I thought if I just swallowed it and was quiet it'd stop bothering me.
no subject
( it's the same, she realises, abrupt. they had the exact same fucking problem from different angles and in spite of herself, she laughs, sudden and hard to precisely read the mood of.
of course. they've always, in some ways, shared more than they don't. the ways that tie them together. )
I can't do that, either, ( she says, more carefully. ) I can't...that felt so...
( her teeth press into her lip, and she says, ) It's the same. I don't want to just screw. And that's all it was, I just-
You weren't with me. At all. It's not about using your body, it's what's the fucking point if we don't feel together? I love you. I want him, but if it has to be like that, let's just not, all right? It made me feel...exactly like that. Exactly what you're talking about. And I understand what you mean, because that. I don't know how to make you understand that's how you made me feel, that it's -
It's not all right for me just because I'm fucking human. You can't treat me like that and then complain I didn't hold you nicely afterwards.
( a little more moderately, catching herself: ) I was trying to do the right thing. To not just bring that back to bed. I felt sordid and lonely. I didn't want to, I don't know, make those things something I felt with you. I didn't want to be held later and not be able to forget it making me feel unloved. I thought if I just swallowed it and was quiet it'd stop bothering me.